I’m sure my love and admiration for Fabian Cancellara is well known by now. And for me, nothing is more charming than his use of Fabianese – a strange hybrid language of English, a SwissGerman iPhone on autocorrect and a sprinkling of Swiss humour. In honour of the big man’s birthday today, I have compiled a short primer on the Fabianese language.

All hashtags! Fabianese is a flexible language. It is perfectly acceptable to speak in a stream of consciousness and in all hashtags. In fact, it’s encouraged. (#boxFight – that doesn’t sound good.)

#Fabianese The language, as you can see here, is also #EasyPeasy. Always encourage others to try speaking it. It’s worth the effort.

Fly into electronic trash When one is frustrated by modern technology.

#fullGas Leaving everything out of the road so outta my way (see also #kamikaze)

#kamikaze Fast and out of control, especially when left coners are on the road.

#kaputt What happens after you’ve gone #fullGas or #kamikaze. A popular Fabianese term. Use it often.

#KingClass The only way to fly!

Mister Guide Someone who leads you out.

Also known as #StrongHorse in a crosswind (Fabianese may have its roots in Native American language.)

#NoMakeUp No, this is not a little powder so that you don’t shine on camera. This is Fabianese for being truthful and honest.

No soupe! When the day has been liquid enough. #unflavour

#nonProfesionalFoto This is the visual form of Fabianese. (Also #tiered Tired but in layers.)

#notFun : Boring day.

Roasted bike riders at a long smooth grill festival #hot #hot #hot

#shaving You won’t catch me with a bushy beard like Bernie or Luca. Stubble only goes so far.

Super fast crazy start This is a lesser form of All hashtags stream of consciousness but it’s along the same lines. Fabianese is a passionate language where your words should just tumble out for others to sort through.

The real sweat #hot #hot

#Unclass This must be said with a great amount of disdain in your voice, especially when talking about #emptyminibars.

#Unluck  This is one of the most useful and flexible words in the Fabianese language. It can be a verb or an adjective. There can be unluck clouds and you can be isolated of the unluck. Superlative form: A shit day of unluck. Use this phrase sparingly as it’s the most potent form of the word.