Giro d’Italia 2022 : Stage 13 – Demare’s hat trick with ice cream on top

It’s interesting to watch cycling through a Twitter stream sometimes. In today’s world where most of us have various race streams silently playing next to our paying jobs, going back to the days of yesteryear when the masses followed the racing action only as much as it appeared on their Twitter timeline is. . . oh, what’s the word? Old-timey, yet nostalgic. Having only watched the final two kilometers with my own eyes, that’s how I kept tabs on today’s Giro Stage 13 – refreshing my Twitter app whenever I remembered to do so, living the race in a delayed fashion through whatever someone posted on Twitter.

While quite nostalgic, it was eye-opening. Having not watched 99% of the stage, I couldn’t really tell you whether it was exciting or boring, worth watching the highlights or not. I do know who won – it was Arnaud Demare, taking his third stage of the race, ahead of Phil Bauhaus (Bahrain Victorious) and Mark Cavendish (I don’t need to tell you what team he’s on, right?). I also know that – from the perspective of a Twitter follower – it feels like the entire sport put in a very heavy lift to make a stage that was minimally exciting sound like it was the most exciting thing since Queen Lizzie drove around Winsor Castle in a go-kart.

Demare, You Glorious B*stard!

I make no effort to hide it, I am a Cavendish fan through and through. He’s simply the greatest of our time, of any time past or present, and I’ll never not love rewatching old videos of him and Mark Renshaw dominating the Champs Elysee at the Tour de France on YouTube. With all that said though, I do quite like seeing Arnaud Demare and FDJ win. The entire team gives off the impression of little school children wanting to play with their older siblings, always just beneath the best, yet still able to deliver miracles more often than not. Demare, of course, is the happiest of them all and his charming smile is all that anyone needs to see.

There’s a lot to ponder about Demare, honestly. How does he only have 10 grand tour victories under his belt? Why on earth did he play second fiddle to Nacer Bouhanni for so long? How ungodly happy must FDJ be that they chose him over Bouhanni? In a sport where French riders always have the weight of a nation on their shoulders, how does Arnaud carry it so effortlessly? I don’t have the answers to any of these, I’m just a Twitterer and podcaster. If you have the answers, let me know!

I think his outfit would need to be purple, though. He just looks so dashing in it. Maybe Edna Mode will come out of retirement, again, to design it?

Sadly, It’s Time to Go to Bed

The most tragic part of today’s stage was Romain “Bedhead” Bardet‘s exit. I spoke in last Sunday’s podcast that if there was a grand tour for Romain to win, this Giro was it. Richard Carapaz seems to be off his best, the top 10 was closer than a close thing in Close Street, and Bardet had been climbing his best in years. Unfortunately, the spry lad fell ill overnight and his adorable little hair tufts – and stomach – just couldn’t take anymore.

Allow Twitter to bring us the range of emotions of Bardet’s abandonment:

Now, we could be cheery and say “but this means he’ll go all in for the Tour!” and while I don’t necessarily disagree with that, it’s just not the same. All the stars were beginning to align for Romain – he had a team that he’s thriving in (no one is quite sure how, given it’s DSM), the contenders were evenly matched to his abilities, and he was flying. Not to mention he was racing in Italy, hidden away from the peering French fans who never quite seem to understand that their favorites might do better if they stayed quieter.

It’s a loss to lose him, both as a fan, but also for the race as an event. Who’s to say what would’ve come in the third week with him at full tilt, but we’ll never know and this year’s Giro will be weaker for it.

Let’s shake it up

At this point, I don’t honestly remember how I got myself wedged into this promise of delivering a thick milkshake recipe in a stage review. But here I am, about to write a milkshake recipe. The website I got the following recipe from – Spice Up The Curry – doesn’t seem one that would feature a milkshake, unless you want a curry milkshake, but here we are.

To make a single serving of an extra thick milkshake you need the following:

  • 3 scoops of ice cream (if you’re using anything other than strawberry or cherry sherbet, you’re wrong)
  • 1 cup milk
  • 2 teaspoons sugar (leave this out)
  • 1 tablespoon of nuts (leave this out, nuts don’t belong in milkshakes!)

I’d also recommend adding in a banana or two as it pairs nicely with the strawberry flavor. I would also add in some vanilla yogurt, but I think that takes us down the smoothie rabbit hole, which I’m terrified of even cracking the door open for here. If you want to get crazyyyy, add in a few pieces of raw kale. You can’t taste or see it, but it’ll make you subconsciously feel better about the whole experience.

Now, while we’re on the topic of milkshakes, I have an important story for you regarding the cleanliness of your blender. This story is completely true, except for the parts that are false.

Several years back, my romantic partner at the time used my household blender for the first time. Growing up, we’d always been taught to clean the blender after by rinsing it out, adding hot water and a drop of dish soap, and blending it clean. Apparently, that’s not proper hygiene.

As I learned on that tragic day years ago, the bottom part of the blender does – and should – come off for proper cleaning. [How did you not know this, Luke? – ed]  I won’t paint you the picture of what was on the undercarriage of the blender after more than a decade of not properly cleaning it, but I assure you it would’ve gotten a mighty citation from the health department.

So, clean your blenders. Or not. I never had sickness from it.

All the results

Stage results 

1 Arnaud Démare (Groupama-FDJ) 03:18:16

2 Phil Bauhaus (Bahrain Victorious) same time

3 Mark Cavendish (Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team) s/t

4 Fernando Gaviria (UAE Team Emirates) s/t

5 Alberto Dainese (Team DSM) s/t

GC Top 10 

1 Juan Pedro Lopez (Trek-Segafredo) 54:37:23

2 Richard Carapaz (Ineos Grenadiers) +0:12

3 Joao Almedia (UAE Team Emirates) +0:12

4 Jai Hindley (Bora-hansgrohe) +0:20

5 Guillaume Martin (Cofidis) +0:28

6 Mikel Landa (Bahrain Victorious) +0:29

7 Domenico Pozzovivo (Intermarche-Wanty-Gobert) +0:54

8 Emanuel Buchmann (Bora-hansgrohe) +1:09

9 Pello Bilbao (Bahrain Victorious) +1:22

10 Alejandro Valverde (Movistar Team) +1:23

All the jerseys

Leader’s jersey : Juan Pedro Lopez (Trek-Segafredo)

Points jersey : Arnaud Demare (Groupama-FDJ)

King of the Mountains: Diego Rosa (EOLO-Kometa)

Best young rider: Juan Pedro Lopez (Trek-Segafredo)

Team : Bora-hansgrohe 

For full race results, go to CyclingNews

Official Giro d’Italia website is here

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