The calm before the storm … it’s now less than two weeks before the start of the Tour de France. In the meantime, we’ve finished up some races and had champagne and tears, mountain goats and tobaggans, giant cheeses and hot seats. It can only be Switzerland … 

A champ’s champers

The effervescent World Champion known as Lizzie Armitstead won the Aviva Women’s Tour this weekend and was as gracious in victory as ever. Wouldn’t it be great if she came away with the Olympic gold in August? (Yes it would)

Lizzie’s gran and grandpa speak! “If she wins at dominoes, we’re thrilled to bits!”

The Mighty Vos™ helps Lizzie celebrate her win.

You know, that banana looks a lot like Panache … I’m concerned about Spiderman, though. How on earth is he supposed to climb up the sides of buildings in flip-flops? I mean, really!

Meanwhile, in Switzerland, the other World Champion known as Peter Sagan was out and about in his ninja kit, signing autographs for all and sundry.

Does that hairstyle remind you of anyone? Has Peter taken his Velvet Samurai nickname to heart?

And now, for all your postage needs.

There isn’t one part of this quote that makes sense. That Sagan is a bee is stunning enough as a statement but he also defies science on a bike. ‘Ha!’ he exclaims, when science rides up beside him, ‘I defy you!’ Science looks at him and says, ‘Bees can’t defy science, no matter if they’re on a bike or not.’

Land of giants

Gratuitous photographs of Fabs. (Hey, I had about 10 more all lined up, so count your blessings …) But besides the many expressions of Fabs in the hotseat for the final ITT of Tour de Suisse, get a load of how big that chair is. Did they go to Ikea in the land of giants to pick that up?

One good thing about a giant chair is that you can move around and strike a few catalogue poses as you wait for the other riders’ results.

The land of giants seem to be well stocked with random things. Like giant wedges of Le Gruyere cheese.

And giant tobaggans and … mountain goats (or is that a moose? or a diabolical hybrid?)

You really couldn’t make this stuff up. ‘Hey Mom, I won the blue jersey! Oh, you saw? Um, yeah, I went with the moment and posed on my wooden tobaggan with a giant moose/mountain goat/ diabolical hybrid. Everyone seemed to think it was funny but I think we might be married now.’

Tears of victory, tears of joy

There was no way Jarlinson Pantano was going to be able to hold back those tears. The lip went and then the sobs began. And that was just me watching it!

(Just a little football joke for all those living and breathing Euro2016. I am not one of those people.)

The Gruppetto

If Hendricks gin did musettes …

Jumbo Bee* Maarten Tjallingii retired this weekend. Who could forget that great Giro podium last month when his tiny daughter ruled the roost? *Tjallingii really was a bee – a Jumbo bee at that! – but he never ever defied science.

No idea what’s going on here but Cav & Clancy seem to have travelled back in time to a high school gymnasium in 1975, complete with beanbags.

This is my favourite picture of the week.

This is my second favourite picture of the week. Bemister the Younger looks awfully pensive for being so dapper in his lizard shirt and bowtie. Maybe he’s trying to figure out how to defy science on a bike.

Was Oscar Pereiro this good looking when he was actually riding? Looking a bit Musketeer with that facial hair – not a bad thing.

Nibblets cookin’ up a storm. At least it’s not his Sidi shoes

Baby Blackbird and the Mighty Degs™ to Trek next year? Twitter accounts never lie.

The last word