Tour Tweets of the Week: Tears to Paris and beyond

Well, this is the final Tour Tweets for 2015 and what do we have? We have Tibbles, Nibbles, Bedhead Bardet, Baby Blackbird, Chewie, the Gorilla, Goggles, Hercules Hansen and, of course, a podium full of riders, including the Velvet Samurai, Q and Bones. Have no clue as to what I’m talking about? Read on and all will be explained.


It was a mountainous week, that last week of the Tour. And it was a week that made the French very happy, with two of their great hopes winning prestigious stages. But first, let us consider a certain bearded German who won our hearts with his tears of joy. We call him Chewie.

Geschke 6

Geschke 2

Here is Chewie’s fabulous solo win at Pra Loup – and his tears. Anyone who can get through that interview without crying with him has no soul.

Geschke 4 Geschke 3

Geschke 5

Geschke 1

Those Alpecin shampoo ads with the ArgoSunGod and the Mighty Degs. Odd, aren’t they?

Geschke 7

Then we had another great stage win, thanks to a sinuous descent by a certain French garçon (as in boy, not waiter) with braces and a shock of hair that cannot be tamed. We call him Bedhead (although JV calls him Stud Muffin).

Bardet descent Bardet no words Bardet stud

I doubt Bedhead is old enough to drink – but he’s definitely old enough to be celebrated by his team (and his fans)!

Bardet champagne 1

Young Romain before the start of the Tour.

Bardet tiny

Bedhead and Tibbles : The Calvin and Hobbes of French cycling.

Fans Pinot tiny

And speaking of Thibaut Pinot (for he is Tibbles). No toys out of the pram and the only screaming he did at his team car was to ask “How much time?” as Q was motoring up behind him. But he won on Alpe d’Huez in an audacious, fabulous ride. We cheered long and hard on Saturday.

Mountains Tibs 3 Mountains Tib 1a Mountains Tib 1


The mountains, however, giveth and they taketh away. And there was one who usually flies over the climbs but this year did not have the wind beneath his wings. We call him Baby Blackbird.

Mountains contador 3 Mountains Contador 2 Mountains Contador 1


Scattered on the climbs

A stem that could have been for the rider we call Nibbles.

Mountains stem


Thomas Voeckler as an, ahem, inflatable.

Mountains Voeckler

Mountains stem attack

I think Jumbo K is channelling Tommy V.

Mountains Kruijswijk

Mountains Kentucky

Marshall Kappel was at the Tour and got some utterly fantastic photographs – as usual.

Mountains Kappel 1 Mountains Kappel 2We must always refer to this rider as “Young Bob Jungels” (according to Midge)

Mountains Jungels 1 Mountains Jungels 2

The man we call Goggles.

Mountains Hesjedal Mountains Hesjedal 3

The man they call Herculean Hansseen. He has now tied the record for most consecutive Grand Tour finishes with 12. Twelve! 6+6! 3×4! 24 divided by 2!

Fans Hansseen 1 Fans Hansseen 2

The Alpe is Adam’s personal bar!

Mountains Hansen

Well, it wouldn’t be Tweets of the Week without a shout-out to the Grubers! We call them friends.

Mountains Gruber 1 Mountains Gruber 2

Nah, I don’t think the Goliath nickname is going to stick. We call him Bones.

Mountains Goliath Mountains fullgas

The one we call Haagen-Dazs.

Mountains EBH

A possible disco brawl between Bones and Nibbles?

Mountains disco

Unhappy tears for Tejay. Always heartbreaking when you see this – just shows how much it matters to these guys.

Tejay tears 1 Tears Tejay 1

Anyone who hasn’t been to the This Is Cambridge website for their cycling caps should go now. Look at her? She looks magnificent in that polka dot cap! You could look like that too!

Mountains caps 1 Mountains caps 2

Warren Barguil now has a reputation for erratic descending. We may call him Wobbler.

Mountains Barguil 3 Mountains Barguil 1

Nail on head.

Mountains ass

Chaaaaaavaaaaa – you don’t have to put out the red light … Sebastien looking good in white.

Lantern Rouge 1 Lantern Rouge 2

Before we leave … one of *the* loveliest pictures I’ve seen anywhere this month.

Mountains Kappel 3 Mountains Kappel 4

Right. let us regroup.

Bonjour, Paris!

Paris Bardet

Ah, just a bit of banter. Tell me, does this not look like the science geek who is trying to play it nonchalant around the coolest kid in the school, but is really thinking ‘Oh God, he’s going to give me another wedgie.”

Paris Thomas 2 Paris Sky tV Paris Sky 1Predictions for the bunch sprint, with a new rider in the mix.

Paris Satan 1

Paris Satan 2 Paris Paolini Paris Greipel win Paris Greipel 3 Paris Froome Holland

A beautiful picture from Karen Edwards of Cav and his daughter.

Paris Deliliah

The Mighty Degs maybe not as smooth skinned as Delilah. And certainly not as happy as Andre Greipel. Another beauty from Karen.

Paris DegsThey went sooooo slow into Paris …

Paris Cav Froome Paris Belfast

Stepping up

The podium. The Velvet Samurai might not have won a stage but not for lack of trying – and he really was one of the most joyous of riders in this year’s Tour.

Podium Sagan 1

Apparently, Valverde has such power he can make his bouquets sprout legs.

Podium Valverde

Podium jerseys

Andre Greipel with his family waiting to take his place on the podium for the stage win. A worthy winner.

Podium Greipel

What it looks like from the other side.

Podium Froome press

Someone must have read the wardrobe memo upside down.

Podium Froome lion 1 Podium Ashley yellow

After the podiums, it was Team Selfies.

Team selfie Ag2r Team selfie BMC 1 Team selfie BMC 2

Look! Tony doesn’t have a sling! He must be healing up quite nicely.

Team selfie Etixx Team selfie FDJ 1 Team selfie FDJ 2

I must have missed the press release where Lotto Soudal announced the signing of Boris Becker.

Team selfie Lotto

Ah, a hideous malaise that descended on the Velvet Samurai and Baby Blackbird during their final press conference. Has Oleg just walked into the room?

Paris Saxo press 1 Paris Saxo press 2

What. In. The. World? “We’ve just cycled up and down mountains, in the rain and the wind and the harsh sunlight. We’ve crashed, we’ve come in second but never first, we’ve seen dreams crushed, we’ve broken bones and undergone cancer surgery. And we end up in a Citroen dealership on the Champs????”

Team selfie Saxo 1 Team selfie Saxo 2

The Gruppetto

Stragglers that didn’t make it into the main Tweets sections.

Fans Rib 1 Fans Rib 2

Fans Sagan Molly Hatchet

Where would we be without Phil & Paul?

Fans Phil 4 Fans Phil 3 Fans Phil 2 Fans Phil 1

This bit sums up a lot of what happened on Twitter over the past few weeks.

Fans followers 1 Fans follow 1

Fans followers 2

Fans lose 2 Fans gains

#FlechaWatch! I miss him so much. I failed at finding a crystal ball for him, I failed at finding a Mint Magnum for him. I failed to win his pink jeans. #IAMsad

Fans Flecha Fans Flecha 2

Fans baguette 1 Fans baguette 2

Looks like Greipel really needed that rest day – he’s starting to talk to goldfish.

Fans Greipel fish

Mountains Greipel 1

I’m asking no questions …

Fans bath 1 Fans bath 2

While the best headline goes to …

Fans bare ass


The last word

Last word 1