Tweets of the week: The sands of time

Another week, another desert race. Another week, another Hour attempt. Another week, another set of bewildering tweets from Mick Jagger. It’s Tuesday, it’s Tweets, it’s awesome. Saddle up!

No more lonesome cowboy

Mick Jagger’s solo tour of the world’s most deserted places seems to have come to an end because last week Our Rigo won the national ITT championship of Colombia. He is actually with people this week, which is a relief as I was getting worried.

He does, however, pin alone …

RU numbersHere he is, looking like he’s about 15

RU pink bowtie

A little bit of bling for Mr Jagger. The little kid looks thoroughly unimpressed.

RU on podium RU with gold

“Could you play Satisfaction? It’s my favourite!”

RU with fans

RU win selfie

With perhaps the strangest picture of the entire column, I have absolutely positively NO idea what the hell is going on here.

RU pink shoesThe thighs have it

Lord Hoy! I thought the magnificent Sir Chris made a perfect response to this Throwback Thursday pic.

HOY Sky interview HOY Sky inteview 2

And he’s even willing to wear orange makeup. What a trooper!

HOY Sis orange

60 minutes

Rohan Dennis busted the Hour Record with a steady ride. Dan Wuori, who really is one of my favourite tweeters, has done a rough sketch on the top of a cupcake of the pacing of these Hour attempts. HOUR cupcake 1 HOUR cupcake 2 “I have vanquished the clock with this, my mighty steed!”

HOUR bike liftI love the way Inner Ring (another of my favourite tweeters) drily says “He’s cramping up now.”

HOUR 1 HOUR Brandle HOUR chequeBrad is managing expectations.

HOUR Wiggins expectationsSandstorm in a teacup

The Mighty Degs’ uphill sprint in stage three of the Dubai Tour was most magnificent but cruelly did not gain him enough time to take the overall win.

Dubai Degs champers Dubai Degs breath Dubai Degenkolb

That honour, and a rather pleasing trophy, went to Mark Cavendish, who looks ready to have a monster season.

Dubai Cav winWhile over in Qatar, Brad is being quite the wag. (Wag in the old-fashioned sense of the word, as in jolly japester as opposed to the modern-day WAG, which he is not.)

Qatar Wiggins paroleI guess “ready to race” meant “be somewhere in the peloton during the day”.

Qatar Wiggins 81st

As of the time of writing, he is 94th, a good ten minutes back from the leader Alexander Kristoff. Obviously, he can make that up in the time trial. (See, I can be a jolly japester too!)

Tom Boonen, who is one second off the lead at the time of writing, has solved the mystery as to what happened to Wiggins.

Qatar Boonen Wiggins dropHe was lulling Brad into a false sense of security by getting tangled up with the Velvet Samurai.

Qatar Boonen Sagan 1 Qatar Boonen Sagan 2

Wiggins wasn’t the only rider Tom and the team were targetting. Looks like Tom was right – The Poodled One is 39th, 3:18 down.

Qatar Boonen ValverdeThe Gruppetto

Speaking of the Poodled One.

G Valverde shadowNapoleon got there first. And then Robbie McEwen. THEN Sagan started doing wheelies on mountaintop finishes.

G Sagan NapoleonI wonder if the voice that whispers that in his head has a Russian accent and an ever so slight edge to it.

G Sagan managing expectiationsIs it just me or does Mick Rogers look like one of those mad scientist types who get on television and say things like “And every snowflake is unique! EVERY ONE!” (Either that or a failed Ninja Turtle.) Really? Just me?

G Rogers snow

There’s that whisper again … “Make sure that is just the first of many, my friend.”

G Oleg ValgrenPolice arrest dickheads. Plus ça change.

G Kwiat bike

No. No no no no no no no no no. Stop it. Now.

G Kittel cutout

Why, Angel, why?

G Katusha socks

Another very swish trophy – it and the Dubai trophy we saw earlier are ever so snazzy. But must be hard to find a place to put them in a typical rider’s house. They’re gigantic.

G Herald Sun Tour win

Fabs. Twice.

G Fabs desert G Fabs airportIt’s uncanny.

G Bradley Cooper 2 G Bradley Cooper 1This ‘bike o’spoons’ looks like a rather menacing armour-plated insect from outer space.

G Bike spoons

Bjarne Riis is a man of many emotions.

G Riis 1 G Riis 2Has no one at the Giro read Little Red Riding Hood?

G Wolfie The last word

Last word coffee

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