Tweets of the Week: Chaos, cheese and buried stitches

Chaos, attacks left, right and centre, winning, losing, crying – it might have been an exciting week at the Dauphine but that has nothing on what was going on in the Twitterstream! So let’s go down to the waterside and fish out some tweets, shall we? We have an Oleg/Bertie bromance (warning: some salty language), a Garmin switcheroo, Dr Phinney‘s stitching clinic (warning: gruesome), a Pippo photocollage (warning: even more gruesome) and  Bradley got back(ing).

Baby Blackbird bags a lion

Stage 7, Alberto Contador (aka Baby Blackbird) takes the yellow jersey from an exhausted Chris Froome (aka Froomedog).

Contador yellow 12

Remember last year, when Oleg made it very clear that he thought Bertie wasn’t up to it? All is forgiven. Contador yellow 4

Remember last year when Oleg made it very clear that he thought Bjarne wasn’t up to it? All is forgiven. Contador yellow 5 Contador yellow 6 Contador yello 7 Contador yellow 8 Contador yellow 11 Contador yellow 3>Oleg salty language alert< Contador yellow 1There was a whole chain of tweets about this picture, but my Amish upbringing wouldn’t let me put them in. >Too saucy< Contador yellow 14They had a subtle and cunning plan

And that plan was for Andrew Talansky to get in the break and nonchalantly get enough time on Contador (while his attention was diverted …) to win the entire Criterium du Dauphine! Simples! Let’s see how the plan worked!

Talansky! Contador! Attacks!

Final Dauphine 23 Final Dauphine 22 Final Dauphine 20 Final Dauphine 24 Final Dauphine 25 Final Dauphine 26 Final Dauphine 27Final Dauphine 29 Final Dauphine 30 Final Dauphine 31 Final Dauphine 32 Final Dauphine 33Final Dauphine 28Final Dauphine 35 Final Dauphine 36 Final Dauphine 37 Final Dauphine 38 Final Dauphine 39 Final Dauphine 40 Final Dauphine 42And the verdict …

Final Dauphine 7 Final Dauphine 8Final Dauphine 10 Final Dauphine 11Final Dauphine 17Final Dauphine 18Final Dauphine 4Final Dauphine 19The obligatory “thank yous, I’ll be back, it was great” tweets from the riders.

Final Dauphine 9 Talansky end 3Final Dauphine 14 Talansky end 2Final Dauphine 3 Talansky endFinal Dauphine End Contador 1Final Dauphine 1 End Contador 2I wonder if the thought of be chased by that bull also took Froome’s mind off his sore legs? It doesn’t look happy, does it?!

Final Dauphine 45Meanwhile, over in Switzerland

We’re still waiting for this race to hot up – I wonder if it will get as vibrant as #CostaCrush Rui‘s teeshirt?

G Suisse Rui hotpink

I thought we were finished with this mesh malarkey. Apparently not. Although it looks like it’s just the side panels, not the back. And I’m kind of liking it with the MTN-Qhubeka colours. G Suisse mesh

G Gerdemann meshA certain knight is riding in this race as well, but unfortunately not really racing up to his usual standard. Feeling a bit deflated, crashing, chest infection – not really his week, is it? >STOP PRESS< News just in! Wiggins has abandoned Tour de Suisse!!! (More details further below)

Wiggins Suisse 3 Funnily enough, we have the World Championship TT podium from 2013 in this race. We’ve already seen Wiggins, now here’s the current champion Tony Martin brandishing a giant wedge of cheese. And seems there was a late substitution for one of the podium girls.

G Tony Martin cheeseAnd the third man on that Championship podium last year, my beloved The Sacred Haunches™ himself, Fabian Cancellara. I wonder what Fabs is saying to Tony? Recipe for raclette, perhaps, to use up that giant wedge of cheese? #KingClass

G World Champs TTAnd finally, while we’re on the subject of World Champions (both past and present), a lovely picture of Mark Cavendish and Tony Martin looking dumbfounded at Tuesday’s press conference. “The cheese? Well, I’ve been advised to make raclette with it, why do you ask?”

G Suisse Martin Cav

We want Wiggins!

Not sure if this particular campaign is going to last the week, considering that Brad’s not having the best of rides in the Tour de Suisse – and as stated above, has abandoned!

Backing Brad 1 Backing Brad 2 Backing Brad 3Screen Shot 2014-06-17 at 5.27.08 PM

Alex Oates is starting a new campaign now!

Screen Shot 2014-06-18 at 11.57.11 AM

Screen Shot 2014-06-18 at 11.57.39 AM

Paging Dr Phinney, Paging Dr Phinney!

Here’s a guy who would love to be riding his bike, but unfortunately That Boy Phinney is all about the #rehabgrind these days, but he keeps his spirits up. And ours. Here’s the latest Taylor Recovery Report. (Alert: the third picture is, um, well, gruesome. Be warned!)

G Taylor rehab 2 G Taylor rehab 1Seriously, how long is his right leg? G Taylor rehab 3 stitchesThe Gruppetto

The stitches pic might have been gruesome, but not as gruesome as this. (Alert: you will never be able to unsee this. Be warned!) Pippo with a touch of Paolini

G Pippo 1 G Pippo 2Say this three times fast.

G AtapumaMick Jagger is enjoying the World Cup! Is it just me or does it look like he has a crate of shrink-wrapped internal organs?

G Uran meatCan’t beat a good emoji review.

G Pantani emojiThese pictures give me vertigo. And not in a good way.

G on the damJust a magnificent picture.

G Buster KeatonMy Beloved on the downhill. I bet he was eating cake at the time. He does that. He’s that good.

G Fabs downhill 1 G Fabs downhill 2Pippo clothed. You don’t see that very often. Well, at least not in this column!

G Pippo dinnerThere are an awful lot of strategically positioned waterjets in this tub. And are those little rubber duckies on the side as well? Hmmm, if this is Fabs’ bathroom, it doesn’t look anything like it does through nightvision goggles. [Remember the restraining order, Kitty – Ed]

Oh! Did I say that out loud?! Nightvision goggles? I know nothing about nightvision goggles!

G Fabs massage bathI really liked these Astana pictures.

G Astana pic G Astana pic 1 G Astana pic 2 G Astana pic 4a G Astana pic 5Especially this one.

G Astana pic 4b

This doesn’t look friendly. They didn’t seem to mind the Gap. (Gold, Jerry! Gold!)

G Movistar crashLots of caps. No hats.

G Chapeau

Another great picture, this time of Matteo Trentin practicing his towel levitation. David Blaine, eat your heart out! G Matteo Trentin

The Last Word

Last word 2


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