Tweets of the Week: I do, I quit, I win, I wrestle sharks

I know it’s not the official end of the season as we still have the Tour of Beijing. But let’s face it, it’s the end of the racing season. And what do we have? We have a wedding, a retirement, a world number one and a peloton that is demob happy!

Petadish nuptials

Mark Cavendish married Peta Todd on Sunday and a wonderful time was had by all (according to the Daily Mail). We knew it because we’ve seen the tweets. We don’t need to buy that rag.

But before the wedding, there was the stag do … thank the Twitter gods that That Boy Phinney was on hand to do the tweety equivalent of that drunken phrase: “I love you, you’re my best friend.” Ladies Favourite™ Bernie Eisel has eyes like a hypnotised Mowgli in Jungle Book – that might be Taylor’s shirt, not the drink. Can’t be sure. Surprisingly Cavendish doesn’t look too worse for wear!

The big day – ah, the last time we had a bash like this was Posh and Becks. However, I couldn’t see any purple thrones in these pictures. All pretty tasteful stuff.

That Boy Phinney surrounded by a bevy of beauties who look like they’re trying to tempt him into some white sparkly pumps. Now *that* would be a picture. (Seriously, I cannot get over the perfection of that guy’s teeth…)

But with the fun comes the punishment. Brian Holm, who these days is looking more and more like a member of ZZ Top, documents his travails.

And this is just to explain the title of this section. I like mine better. A little bit science.

Captain America hangs up his cape

Taylor Phinney might be one of the hot sparks of the peloton these days but there was a time when Dave Zabriskie was the quirky show-off (in a strangely shy, self-effacing way). But while Taylor was living it up in white sparkly heels, Sunday also saw an anti-climactic end to Zabriskie’s racing career.

It seems that Zabriskie didn’t want a lot of hoopla – as the velonews story says, he’s been very quiet and subdued since his testimony for the USADA case against Lance Armstrong. So I thought I’d include a few clips of him in his more effervescent days.

And we’ll give Dave the last word on this.

Redemption among the falling leaves

From last week’s heartbreaking loss to Rui Costa to this week’s fantastic win (that no one saw live because the fecking feed froze at the last corner…#IBlameEurosport), Joaquim Rodriguez surely has turned his frown upside down.

But there was still that certain something nagging in the back of our minds. Oh! Of course! It was Alejandro Valverde. If you remember, readers, last week’s podium was not one of Spanish unity. Purito questioned Valverde’s tactics and desire to help him win. As Valverde was a major player at the sharp end of the race on Sunday, one wondered about the dynamic between the two Spaniards.

We’ll never know the answer to Alaistair’s question for he never caught Purito. No one did. But this picture below shows a warm handshake – or is it? Do you see a Corleone glimmer of “I’ll remember that you did not do me that favour … I will not ask again” in Purito’s eyes? Just me? Really?

The Velvet Samurai is tinked off and how!

Rumours were rife last week that Oleg Tinkov was going to sink his money into the Cannondale team. It was reported that Peter Sagan said, “No. I will not ride for that man.” Looks like Sagan is going to have to decide if he meant it or not.

The velonews feature is here.

Although it was almost universally known that it was Purito’s race to lose on Sunday, it still was a monument that, if he was in form and put his mind to it, Sagan could have won. Or could win one day. But he got dropped and, I believe, abandoned. So far haven’t seen an angry tweet from his new sponsor, but they will come. Oh they will come.

Personally, I love it when Scott uses those sophisticated legal terms.

Ted’s bringin’ sexy back

At the time of writing this column, the mighty Ted King still doesn’t have a contract. This must be remedied! We need Ted in the peloton. Not least because of his sexy kit.

The Gruppetto

Doesn’t PhilGil look strange without the rainbow jersey?

Speaking of rainbow jerseys – or more importantly white shorts to go with it – Rui Costa has opted for the all-white kit. Hey, only an Argonaut can get away with that! And it was raining on Sunday when he debuted his snowiness. Everybody knows you don’t wear white after the 1st of September and before Easter.

Everything escalates on Twitter, as Dean Downing found out.

Nothing like a good wound picture to round out the season. It almost looks like a small head.

There was also a bit of insect hijinx this week, started off by my hero Jered Gruber and taken up with enthusiasm by the peanut gallery.

KUKU PENTHOUSE – FOR REAL!!!!!!

Panache has personalised licence plates. I’m unsure as to what to think about that.

It’s like looking into a mirror. A Phinney mirror! (Is this where those sparkly white heels come in? Mirror mirror on the wall?)

Pants. I seem to be spending an inordinate amount of column inches talking about pants (sorry, no pun intended). Who picks these tweets out! Editor! I want to make a complaint! Oh, hang on, it’s me.