Tweets of the Week: I do, I quit, I win, I wrestle sharks

I know it’s not the official end of the season as we still have the Tour of Beijing. But let’s face it, it’s the end of the racing season. And what do we have? We have a wedding, a retirement, a world number one and a peloton that is demob happy!

Petadish nuptials

Mark Cavendish married Peta Todd on Sunday and a wonderful time was had by all (according to the Daily Mail). We knew it because we’ve seen the tweets. We don’t need to buy that rag.

But before the wedding, there was the stag do … thank the Twitter gods that That Boy Phinney was on hand to do the tweety equivalent of that drunken phrase: “I love you, you’re my best friend.” Ladies Favourite™ Bernie Eisel has eyes like a hypnotised Mowgli in Jungle Book – that might be Taylor’s shirt, not the drink. Can’t be sure. Surprisingly Cavendish doesn’t look too worse for wear!

Cav wedding stag do 5 Cav wedding stag do 3

The big day – ah, the last time we had a bash like this was Posh and Becks. However, I couldn’t see any purple thrones in these pictures. All pretty tasteful stuff.

Cav wedding pic 1 Cav wedding pic 2 Cav Wedding pic 3 Cav wedding dance Cav wedding first dance

That Boy Phinney surrounded by a bevy of beauties who look like they’re trying to tempt him into some white sparkly pumps. Now *that* would be a picture. (Seriously, I cannot get over the perfection of that guy’s teeth…)

Cav wedding Taylor girls Cav wedding taylor favesBut with the fun comes the punishment. Brian Holm, who these days is looking more and more like a member of ZZ Top, documents his travails.

Cav wedding Holm thanks Cav wedding Brian Holm hangoverAnd this is just to explain the title of this section. I like mine better. A little bit science.

Cav wedding hashtag

Captain America hangs up his cape

Taylor Phinney might be one of the hot sparks of the peloton these days but there was a time when Dave Zabriskie was the quirky show-off (in a strangely shy, self-effacing way). But while Taylor was living it up in white sparkly heels, Sunday also saw an anti-climactic end to Zabriskie’s racing career.

Zabriskie sweet child

Zabriskie slips quietly

It seems that Zabriskie didn’t want a lot of hoopla – as the velonews story says, he’s been very quiet and subdued since his testimony for the USADA case against Lance Armstrong. So I thought I’d include a few clips of him in his more effervescent days.

Zabriskie Proud Mary

And we’ll give Dave the last word on this.

Zabriskie thanks

Redemption among the falling leaves

From last week’s heartbreaking loss to Rui Costa to this week’s fantastic win (that no one saw live because the fecking feed froze at the last corner…#IBlameEurosport), Joaquim Rodriguez surely has turned his frown upside down.

Purito smile only 1 Purito smile only 2

But there was still that certain something nagging in the back of our minds. Oh! Of course! It was Alejandro Valverde. If you remember, readers, last week’s podium was not one of Spanish unity. Purito questioned Valverde’s tactics and desire to help him win. As Valverde was a major player at the sharp end of the race on Sunday, one wondered about the dynamic between the two Spaniards.

Purito Valverde punch

We’ll never know the answer to Alaistair’s question for he never caught Purito. No one did. But this picture below shows a warm handshake – or is it? Do you see a Corleone glimmer of “I’ll remember that you did not do me that favour … I will not ask again” in Purito’s eyes? Just me? Really?

Purito Valverde handshake Purito Valverde shit happens

The Velvet Samurai is tinked off and how!

Rumours were rife last week that Oleg Tinkov was going to sink his money into the Cannondale team. It was reported that Peter Sagan said, “No. I will not ride for that man.” Looks like Sagan is going to have to decide if he meant it or not.

Tinkov rubbing nose

The velonews feature is here.

Although it was almost universally known that it was Purito’s race to lose on Sunday, it still was a monument that, if he was in form and put his mind to it, Sagan could have won. Or could win one day. But he got dropped and, I believe, abandoned. So far haven’t seen an angry tweet from his new sponsor, but they will come. Oh they will come.

Tinkov Sagan dropped

Tinkov bite mePersonally, I love it when Scott uses those sophisticated legal terms.

Ted’s bringin’ sexy back

At the time of writing this column, the mighty Ted King still doesn’t have a contract. This must be remedied! We need Ted in the peloton. Not least because of his sexy kit.

Ted King X 2a Ted King X 3aTed King X 2Ted King X 4 Ted King X 3

The Gruppetto

Doesn’t PhilGil look strange without the rainbow jersey?

G Burghardt Gilbert

Speaking of rainbow jerseys – or more importantly white shorts to go with it – Rui Costa has opted for the all-white kit. Hey, only an Argonaut can get away with that! And it was raining on Sunday when he debuted his snowiness. Everybody knows you don’t wear white after the 1st of September and before Easter.

G Costa white shorts 1 G Costa white shorts 2 G Costa white shorts 3

Everything escalates on Twitter, as Dean Downing found out.

G Downing drawing 1 G Downing drawing 2 G Downing drawing 3

Nothing like a good wound picture to round out the season. It almost looks like a small head.

G Gilbert knee

There was also a bit of insect hijinx this week, started off by my hero Jered Gruber and taken up with enthusiasm by the peanut gallery.

G Hornet attacks


G Kuku penthouse G Kuku Penthouse 2

Panache has personalised licence plates. I’m unsure as to what to think about that.

G Panache license

It’s like looking into a mirror. A Phinney mirror! (Is this where those sparkly white heels come in? Mirror mirror on the wall?)

G Phinney Jacques douleG Taylor Marcel 2

Pants. I seem to be spending an inordinate amount of column inches talking about pants (sorry, no pun intended). Who picks these tweets out! Editor! I want to make a complaint! Oh, hang on, it’s me.

G Podium pants 1 G Podium pants 2

You know you’ve immersed yourself into the sport of cycling when the first thing you notice about this picture is that Tim has not shaved his legs.

G Shut up legs 1 G Shut up legs 2

On Sunday, we were treated with Thomas ‘The Tongue’ Voeckler on a solo break. Plenty of camera time to perfect ‘The Many Faces of Tommy’.

G Voeckler Les Dawson

We had the Giro presentation yesterday. Mick Jagger was there.

Giro presentation 2

And we had a spate of ‘I’m on holiday!!!!’ tweets from the boys. First up, Fabs and the wheel-less bike cake. Off Fabs chocobike

I. Love. Him. That is all.

Off Fabs thanks

Jens showed us his shark-infested shower.

Off Jens shark shower Off Jens shark shower 2

The ArgoGod who is Marcel Kittel shows us that he eats burgers with a knife and fork. (WTF?) But WOW, that hair is fantastic!

Off Marcel

Speaking of fantastic hair, That Boy will have plenty of time to coif his in the off-season.

Off TaylorIt’s a bittersweet feeling when the season comes to an end. Kirsten is taking it really hard. Fiona is having none of this self-pity malarkey.

G cry cycling season overThe Last Word

Last season o is it all forgot

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