Vuelta Tweets: #KennyCrush, KuKu Penthouse, and Angliru tears

So the Vuelta is done and dusted but the tweets keep coming. We had an eventful tweet week: Angliru, a snake handler, a movie director riding a GT – but there really was only one big story this week. And that was who or what exactly lives in a KuKu Penthouse? But first, let’s go to a cute young Frenchman …

Elissonde, il est magnifique!

My goodness but I don’t think we’ve seen such a fresh-faced winner of a stage since, well, Warren Barguil! Sweet Kenny Elissonde won solo on the Angliru on Saturday – and he cried as he crossed the line. You all know how I love *that* in a cyclist!!! #KennyCrush time!

Elissonde bike12. That’s how old he looks.

Picture 2

Looks like I’m not the only one with a #KennyCrush!

Picture 1

And what’s not to love?

Elissonde Zola

His teammates had to take the cava away from him after this picture was taken as he’s not old enough to drink. (Um, is it just me or is he in his pants and strange leg warmers?)

Elissonde champersHave to say, I’m loving the jaunty Asturian hat – the montera picona – that stage winners are given when they’re in this part of the world.

Elissonde hatSee? Purito‘s got one too! I wonder if the winners wear them around the house when they’re feeling jaunty, maybe when they go out to dinner, to look suave?! People don’t wear enough hats.

Elissonde hat Rodriguez

Steeped in tears

While Kenny was crying tears of joy on the Angliru, one Vincenzo Nibali was almost surely crying bitter tears of frustration. There was a lot of heart left on that mountain.

Angliru Nibs tears Angliru collapseWe’ll come back to that tweet from Neal Rogers in a minute, but let’s stay on the mountain for the moment.

Angliru mist Angliru stage Roche Nibali Angliru Horner Nibali 1Do you remember in the 2010 Tour de France, after Andy Schleck won on the Tourmalet over Alberto Contador? And after they came over the finish line, Bertie gave Andy a couple of little pats on the cheek, really rather patronising, and for a split second you could see the Zidane rising in Andy and the look of ‘I’m going to headbutt this guy’ in his eyes? Well, this picture below makes me think of that.

Angliru hands off Nibs HornerAngliru hands off 2

You say black I say white, you say bark I say bite

Well, if you’ve been anywhere near Twitter – or watched any of the Vuelta at all – you’ll know there has been much speculation on the cleanliness of winner Chris Horner. It’s a contentious issue that has split fans and I won’t go into it here but I thought these tweets encapsulated what it sounds like on Twitter …

Proof of doping 1

Proof of doping 2 Proof of doping 4

All I want to do is bicycle!

It’s been a fantastic Vuelta – every stage gave us something to love. Here are some of your favourite moments.

Vuelta best moments 1 Vuelta best moments 2 Vuelta best moments 3

But it was a tough Vuelta. This next tweet made me laugh a lot – I think because I’m not sure what disco slippers are but I bet they’d go a treat with that jaunty montera picona (and possibly the KuKu Penthouse…)

Vuelta next year disco

The party is definitely over.

End of Vuelta

Roamin’ wild and free

Oh but cyclists do love their performance wear. I know many *many* amateur cyclists who spend a small fortune on bikes, shoes, jerseys, bibs – anything and everything. But surely Assos is taking the piss (sorry, no pun intended) with the KuKu Penthouse. It is a ‘soft, flexible fabric panel’ cut into the front of the chamois, which creates a ‘sling’ effect. ???? Being a girl, I’m assuming that this ‘sling’ effect, well, liberates the little cyclist and, um, gives the boonens a skosh more room. And that liberation will cost you about £300. Let the piss taking begin!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

KuKu Penthouse 1a

This video is what Camille McMillan is referring to in the following tweet.

Kuku Penthouse 1 Kuku Penthouse 2

Picture 4

Kukupenthouse 5

Kukupenthouse 4 Kukupenthouse 3But enough of this overpriced undercarriage nonsense …

The Gruppetto

A future world champion, perhaps? This little sweetheart is three years older than #KennyCrush Elissonde. #TrueStory #MaybeNot

G Tiny world champAt the time of writing, Ted King is still without a contract for 2014. This is outrageous! FFS, will someone sign him?!? He rides with heart and integrity – we need riders like him in the peloton.

G Ted King QuebecZeits from the planet Vulcan … (Hey, I *love* those semi-opaque rain jackets. Any team who would like to send me one, please feel free. I will be forever grateful.)

G Zeits VulcanAndrey might not know his own strength for it seems that he has beamed up half of Adam Hansen‘s Vuelta team.

G Hansen empty bus

It’s good to see the mighty Robbie McEwen is keeping himself busy in retirement with a little snake-handling. (I could make a KuKu Penthouse-related joke here, but that would be #unclass.)

G McEwen snake handler

“The Beauty of Cycling” – it seems I’m not the only one that thinks that.  #FabLove

G Fabs beauty

Uncanny.

Horner Ron HowardUncanny 2.0

Valverde look alikeThe Last Word

Last word 1

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