Vuelta tweets: The glamorous life, Horner Corner and naked on the Shack bus

It was quite a week in Spain – we had some terrific and surprising stages, we had a Formula 1 driver who picked up the Carrots when they were down, we had the oldest man in the peloton pick up a couple of stage wins and the red jersey and we had some very odd commentary. And it’s all captured in this week’s Tweets of the Week.

Livin’ like Sheila E

Ah, Sheila E – if you think back to 1984, you’ll remember this Prince protegee’s wonderful song, The Glamorous Life. This is not unlike the kind of life the pro peloton leads when they’re riding a grand tour. It’s all swish hotels in wonderful landscaped gardens. Let us peek into this privileged life.

Glamour Fabs train hotel 1Not the #kingClass our Fabs is used to, is it? Can you imagine? I’m no superstar of the peloton but even I can afford a hotel that isn’t right on the train tracks. Sort it out, Trek!

Glamour Fabs train room 2I’m not sure what that poster is – looks like a bullet and a pill. Is this some sort of Spanish suicide prevention poster? I think that’s the most disturbing part of this whole picture.

Glamour loco of Bern

This is what Marco Pinotti had to eat on a long, hot stage. Doesn’t look like very much – nor does it look tasty. One thing I would say, though, Marco has all his empty wrappers. Marco is no litter bug.

Glamour Marco food on bikeThe Jensie was in Colorado riding the USA Pro Challenge. It’s unbelievable – even the Great Jens can be broken (but not for long, I suspect).

Glamour Jens legs

Then there’s the air conditioning …

Vuelta Marco pic

But there are perks! First of all, you get free coconut popsicles if you work hard enough! (I *love* this tweet!)

Glamour coconut popcicle

You and your teammates might be relegated to eating outdoors because the hotel dining room (otherwise known as the ticket office) is full but at least you have beautiful weather and more importantly beautiful food made by the beautiful Hannah Grant!

Glamour moved dinner outside

Glamour roasted goodies Glamour spiralized carrot Glamour beets beansIf you win a stage, you even get your own special dessert, like Michael Morkov!

Glamour Morkov dessertThe most painful break will be your heart

So when you’re not in a hotel praying trains won’t go by just under your window or eating Zipvit chews all day long, your glamorous life continues with road rash, broken bones and, worst of all, a broken heart.

Glamour crying 1 Glamour crying 2I’m glad I didn’t see De Clercq crying. I love it when riders cry when they win, when they’ve given their all. I hate it when riders cry because they’ve had to abandon for their own good.

But you can always find someone in worse shape than you, as Koen de Kort realises. (If you remember, Koen broke his collarbone a few weeks ago.)

Injury Koen de Kort

If Dan Martin had been able to ride after this hellacious road rash, he’d have to be bandaged up like a certain Dutch hardman. “Just give me the Hoogerland,” the team doctor is told.

Injury Dan Martin mummy Injury Dan Martin mummy 2

I have no idea who @calcrutchlow is. [He’s a British Moto GP rider – Ed.] But he seems to be a happy chappy. I am, however, concerned about Cavendish‘s socks.

Injury Cav CalcrutchlowPoor Sam Bewley. He’s got a broken spirit.

Vuelta rest day Tuesday

Then there’s the racing

These are just a smattering of tweets about stages throughout the week. Let’s start with Fabs.

Vuelta Fabs on the front

Vuelta Fabs kamikaze 2

Vuelta Fabs Kamikaze hashtag

Vuelta circus acts

Speaking of circus monkeys, Mr Henderson sure has a way with words.

Henderson monkeyAfter the heartbreak of Tony Martin being swept up just metres from the finish after his epic solo ride for the entire stage, his teammate Zdenek Stybar won the next day, pipping the World Champion at the post.

Vuelta Zdenek photofinish Vuelta Zdenek 2 Vuelta Tony Martin 1 Vuelta Tony Martin 3 Vuelta Martin Morkov

I think this is a particularly nice one of Daniel Moreno and his one-armed salute. (Oh, that makes it sound like some sort of obscene gesture.)

Vuelta Moreno one hand salute

It’s Horner Corner!

The twitterstream was teeming with tweets about the world’s oldest cyclist.

Vuelta Horner Corner 1

This picture has to be the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.

Vuelta Horner Corner 2Until I saw this one – well, this entire string of tweets! “That’s gold, Jerry! GOLD!”

Vuelta Horner Corner 3 Vuelta Horner Corner 4

Vuelta Horner Corner 5 Vuelta Horner Corner 6

But nothing quite as astonishing as THIS!

Ricco Horner

Yes, Ms Been, he did say that. How long is his ban again? 230 years?

That’s just crazy talk

I believe these tweets speak for themselves.

Commentary Liggett Commentary Ligget 2 Commentary Kirby GreenEdgePicture 6 Picture 5 Picture 3 Picture 1

Carrots to ride at Silverstone

Okay, maybe not. But the news of the Carrots being saved by Fernando Alonso got people’s engines revved. (See what I did there? Comedy genius …)

Carrots 1 Carrots 2 Carrots 3 Carrots 4

Carrot team car

The Gruppetto

That Boy Phinney has been eating pasta for breakfast because he’s scared … and having lunch with Alessandro Petacchi and Mark Cavendish (because he’s not?)

G Phinney pasta for breakfast G Phinney and Cav dinner

I’m finding this saddle a bit scary.

G Greipel saddle

Pippo surely will be in seventh heaven when he sees this – the man who uses Emoji like Esperanto! The international language of Twitter!

G Pippo wins Emoji

G Pippo Emoji

It’s uncanny! (I’ve just said Sylvain Chavanel‘s name out loud four times. Joy!)

G Cav as a boy

A Garmin board meeting. Lachlan Morton has more hair than all the others combined. He’s like the Samson of cycling.

G Lochlan board room

I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay. I sleep all night and I work all day …

G Ted King lumberjack

You think it’s an innocuous picture. But Philippe Gilbert sees the almost subliminal reflection in the window to reveal the truth about the RadioShack team bus.

G Fabs naked man 1 G Fabs naked man 2 G Fabs naked man 3

Okay, there are some people I’d need to make sure were *not* on the ‘only in our pants’ bus but then I’d storm that thing as if it were the Bastille. (The haunches! Freed!)

>composes herself< End of perving.

Last Word

For the next week of the Vuelta …

Last word Shakespeare 2

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