Vuelta tweets: The glamorous life, Horner Corner and naked on the Shack bus

It was quite a week in Spain – we had some terrific and surprising stages, we had a Formula 1 driver who picked up the Carrots when they were down, we had the oldest man in the peloton pick up a couple of stage wins and the red jersey and we had some very odd commentary. And it’s all captured in this week’s Tweets of the Week.

Livin’ like Sheila E

Ah, Sheila E – if you think back to 1984, you’ll remember this Prince protegee’s wonderful song, The Glamorous Life. This is not unlike the kind of life the pro peloton leads when they’re riding a grand tour. It’s all swish hotels in wonderful landscaped gardens. Let us peek into this privileged life.

Not the #kingClass our Fabs is used to, is it? Can you imagine? I’m no superstar of the peloton but even I can afford a hotel that isn’t right on the train tracks. Sort it out, Trek!

I’m not sure what that poster is – looks like a bullet and a pill. Is this some sort of Spanish suicide prevention poster? I think that’s the most disturbing part of this whole picture.

This is what Marco Pinotti had to eat on a long, hot stage. Doesn’t look like very much – nor does it look tasty. One thing I would say, though, Marco has all his empty wrappers. Marco is no litter bug.

The Jensie was in Colorado riding the USA Pro Challenge. It’s unbelievable – even the Great Jens can be broken (but not for long, I suspect).

Then there’s the air conditioning …

But there are perks! First of all, you get free coconut popsicles if you work hard enough! (I *love* this tweet!)

You and your teammates might be relegated to eating outdoors because the hotel dining room (otherwise known as the ticket office) is full but at least you have beautiful weather and more importantly beautiful food made by the beautiful Hannah Grant!

If you win a stage, you even get your own special dessert, like Michael Morkov!

The most painful break will be your heart

So when you’re not in a hotel praying trains won’t go by just under your window or eating Zipvit chews all day long, your glamorous life continues with road rash, broken bones and, worst of all, a broken heart.

I’m glad I didn’t see De Clercq crying. I love it when riders cry when they win, when they’ve given their all. I hate it when riders cry because they’ve had to abandon for their own good.

But you can always find someone in worse shape than you, as Koen de Kort realises. (If you remember, Koen broke his collarbone a few weeks ago.)

If Dan Martin had been able to ride after this hellacious road rash, he’d have to be bandaged up like a certain Dutch hardman. “Just give me the Hoogerland,” the team doctor is told.

I have no idea who @calcrutchlow is. [He’s a British Moto GP rider – Ed.] But he seems to be a happy chappy. I am, however, concerned about Cavendish‘s socks.

Poor Sam Bewley. He’s got a broken spirit.

Then there’s the racing

These are just a smattering of tweets about stages throughout the week. Let’s start with Fabs.

Speaking of circus monkeys, Mr Henderson sure has a way with words.

After the heartbreak of Tony Martin being swept up just metres from the finish after his epic solo ride for the entire stage, his teammate Zdenek Stybar won the next day, pipping the World Champion at the post.

I think this is a particularly nice one of Daniel Moreno and his one-armed salute. (Oh, that makes it sound like some sort of obscene gesture.)

It’s Horner Corner!

The twitterstream was teeming with tweets about the world’s oldest cyclist.

This picture has to be the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.

Until I saw this one – well, this entire string of tweets! “That’s gold, Jerry! GOLD!”

But nothing quite as astonishing as THIS!

Yes, Ms Been, he did say that. How long is his ban again? 230 years?

That’s just crazy talk

I believe these tweets speak for themselves.

Carrots to ride at Silverstone

Okay, maybe not. But the news of the Carrots being saved by Fernando Alonso got people’s engines revved. (See what I did there? Comedy genius …)

The Gruppetto

That Boy Phinney has been eating pasta for breakfast because he’s scared … and having lunch with Alessandro Petacchi and Mark Cavendish (because he’s not?)

I’m finding this saddle a bit scary.

Pippo surely will be in seventh heaven when he sees this – the man who uses Emoji like Esperanto! The international language of Twitter!

It’s uncanny! (I’ve just said Sylvain Chavanel‘s name out loud four times. Joy!)

A Garmin board meeting. Lachlan Morton has more hair than all the others combined. He’s like the Samson of cycling.

I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay. I sleep all night and I work all day …

You think it’s an innocuous picture. But Philippe Gilbert sees the almost subliminal reflection in the window to reveal the truth about the RadioShack team bus.

Okay, there are some people I’d need to make sure were *not* on the ‘only in our pants’ bus but then I’d storm that thing as if it were the Bastille. (The haunches! Freed!)

>composes herself< End of perving.