Vuelta Tweets: Lachlan’s Depp-ness, Jens’ Barbie rescue and etch-a-sketches

It’s the first of four Vuelta Tweets of the Week but it’s not just Spain that’s got our attention. We have the USA Pro Challenge – with the peloton’s Johnny Depp and a Barbie kidnapping – commentary corner and of course the gruppetto. But let’s start with some UCI shenanigans.

“I’m invincible! The Black Knight always triumphs!”

I try to keep out of the whole UCI politics in this column, just because most of it isn’t that funny. However, there was a strand last week that was quite good. A little background: UCI president Pat McQuaid has been #unnominated by the Swiss cycling federation (after being voted down by the Irish Federation earlier this year). So realistically he’s not on the ballot for the presidency at the end of September. That’s not what he’s saying.

UCI nomination 1

UCI black knight headqeuarters

UCI flesh wound 2UCI favourite colour UCI tis a scratch

An unnaturally curvaceous damsel in distress

Ah, must be fun living in a Barbie world. You get to go to the races and wear cute outfits! You never gain weight and your smile is permanent. Or is it …

USPro Barbie a

Barbie had been kidnapped. There was a ransom to be paid. Someone had to rescue her. Who would it be?

USPro Barbie a1 USPro Barbie b

Who should be Barbie’s Knight in Shining Armour? Why Jens Voigt, of course.

USPro Barbie rescue 4 USPro Jensie Barbie 2I really hope that the up-and-coming riders in the peloton will have this kind of joie de vivre and fan interaction. Keep the fun in pro cycling. Just ask Melissa German. She’ll tell you how important it is.

USPro Melissa Jens Andy

USPro Jensie Sieberg

You can call me Lachey or Latchie or Lachie

Lachlan Morton was one of the stars of the USA Pro Challenge last week and he was ably aided by his fantastic head of hair and his pencil-thin moustache. Caused quite a commotion. I’m *loving* the library in this first picture. [Bookworm geekiness comes out.]

USPro Lochlan in the library

This picture below – tell me. Am I the only one who thinks there’s a Depp-ness to his look? Really? Just me?

USPro Lochlan Depp

Okay, I can see this too.

USPro Lochlan Dastardly USPro Lochlan in yellow USPro Lochlan nickname USPro Lochlan nickname Bruce USPro Lochlan chicks

I have to say, it’s the mop-top hair-and-tache combo that does it for me. This picture, nah, not so much. Although it’s a rare sighting of David Millar nasal-strip free.

USPro Lochlan and Millar

Speaking of hair, It’s helmet hair for Tejay, who had a damn fine race in Colorado last week.

USPro Tejay helmet hair

USPro Tejay fan picAnd just for good measure, Peter Sagan‘s black ‘war stripes’ makeup. Not sure if I mentioned this last time he put this on, it looks to me like what American football players wear to keep the glare from the sun off their cheeks. He means business.

USPro Sagan with football stripesThis picture makes Chris Froome look a bit paunchy (God knows he could use some fat on his bones). In fact, he looks like he’s wearing a small barrel.

USPro Froome in a barrel
See what I mean?


Vuelta Hodge-Podge

Not much of a string of stories here, just some tweets that caught my eye over the week.

Would love Adam Hansen to do another Grand Tour omnium this year.

Vuelta Hansen 3 tours

Best name in the peloton, although it reminds me of a snake – an anaconda in fact. They squeeze you to death, you know.

Vuelta Winner Anacona

We’re all hoping that PhilGil will set off some fireworks in this Vuelta.

Vuelta Gilbert

Bjarne Riis toasting stage 2 winner Nicolas Roche. Now tell me – did they all drive to the hotel in a DeLorean with a flux capacitor and go back to the 1950s? What is that decor? I’m sure that Marty McFly is in the background.

Vuelta Nico congrats

Question of the day: what is the photographer taking a picture of? He’s got The Sacred Haunches™ right beside him?

Vuelta Fabs photographer

Okay, it’s going to be a little Fabian tangent …

Vuelta Fabs TTT 1 Vuelta Fabs TTT 2

This made me laugh so hard …

Vuelta Fabs bad shot

Tony Martin, exhausted and in long satin evening gloves.

Vuelta Martin TTT

Cycling fans have to put up with a lot – dopers, UCI presidents, non-cycling fans, Eurosport showing regional table tennis instead of races. Well, we also have to bear some pretty dodgy commentary at times. Carlton Kirby is a source of many phrases that make you just go WTF? Here are a few:

ComCorner etchasketch ComCorner badge splattered ComCorner unzip banana ComCorner combover ComCorner drunk lovers

The Gruppetto

One of my favourite riders, Koen de Kort, had a crash in Vattenfall and broke his collarbone. He broke one earlier this season. This time he broke the other one. Get well soon, Koen.

G Koen de Kort 1 G Koen de Kort 2a G Koen de Kort strapped up

Luca Paolini loves a camera – and the camera loves Luca!

G Luca Paolini

Seems Cav and That Boy Phinney went on a little mountain biking ride in Tuscany last week.

G Cav Taylor climb 1 G Cav Taylor climb 2

Who says Thor doesn’t have a sense of humour?

G Thor with balloon champ G Thor with balloon champ 2

Mmmmmm, marshmallows!

G OPQS lucky charmsLooks like George Hincapie could use some marshmallows – is it just me or does he look like he’s sittin’ by the ol’ campfire, tellin’ ghost stories?

G Hincapie by the campfire

And I just like this, so I’m putting it in. We’ve got some pretty frisky foxes in Richmond, acting like they own the place, but I’ve not seen any on a bike yet. Although I wouldn’t put it past them. I’m pretty sure one or two of them have paper rounds.

G Foxy cyclistAnd a blast from the past. Oh, if Cav only knew the year that awaited him. He looked so eager, so fresh-faced, so full of dreams. He should have just had a look at the man beside him to know it might not be all fancy-free sprint trains.

G Old pic of Cav and Wiggs

The last word

Picture 1

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