Tweets of the Week: Wiggo’s extremes, Zabel’s ‘truth’ & Bernie’s vows

We’ve had some bumper crops of tweets over the past four weeks but it kind of dried up last week – put it down to post-Tour blues. There were two main stories on Twitter this week: the return of Bradley Wiggins and Erik Zabel‘s confession 2.0. We have that and the Ladies’ Favourite and the Sacred Haunches in the gruppetto …

One extreme to another

So Wiggins went back to the road this week – and it was more than just racing that was the topic of conversation. First up, the lack of congrats to his teammate Chris Froome for winning the Tour and the fact that he couldn’t bear to watch the TdF. Does it mean anything? Who knows!

Wiggins congrats 2

Wiggins not watch Tour

Wiggins no congrats 1

Then it was his performance in the Tour de Pologne. At first, he was ‘very very motivated’.

Wiggins very motivated

Then he was selfless.

Wiggins selfless

Then it was ‘you can’t expect a top-form performance’. By the way, Robert Bacaj, Wiggins has announced that he’s not riding the Vuelta. He’ll be riding the Tour of Britain instead – he’ll be very very motivated and selfless.

Wiggins TDP

Then there was the ‘what’s he going to do next year?’ discussion – retirement, new team?

Wiggins retire 1 Wiggins retire 2Where would he go? (My money’s on Strictly Come Dancing …)

Wiggins teams next year

But both of these topics were really just small potatoes compared to the picture of the week (and not in a good way). Very few – I can think of four – riders have a chest that isn’t concave or reminiscent of a chicken and is worthy of fetish wear. None of the four are on Sky, by the way.

Wiggins string vest 2 Wiggins string vest 1

I think we can all agree that Wiggins is *not* too sexy for his shirt.

Wiggins string vest 5

Wiggins string vest 3 Wiggins string vest 4

Zabel 2.0

Did any of us believe Erik Zabel a few years ago when he said that he tried EPO once but it didn’t do much for him, except make him feel a bit queasy? More fool us if we did. Let’s start with Brian Holm ridiculing him on his white specs – the indoor version of Ryder Goggles™.

Zabel glasses 1

Ah, and then comes the announcement that not only did Zabel use EPO more than once, he used it for eight years. Eight. Years. Note the convenience of the cut-off date (sounds a bit like Rasmussen’s confession: I stopped in 2010! Honest! Would I lie to you?)

Zabel glasses 2 Zabel statute

This is what Zabel had to say on Twitter after it was announced that he resigned from, well, just about everything. Pushed, jumped, you say potato …

Zabel statement

But hey, wasn’t there some poor dumb schmuck who rode for Katusha last season who got popped? Why yes! And Erik had a lot to say about that! You want to know how we know? Because we had it in Tweets of the Week about a year and a half ago! FFS, when we can trace statements back to Tweets of the Week, we know we’re in trouble.

Zabel russian dope 1 Zabel russian dope 2Zabel cry Zabel cry 2

Claudia articulated a lot of what fans were feeling. (I couldn’t find any tweets from riders about this).

Zabel Claudia 1Zabel claudia 2 Zabel claudia 3 Zabel claudia 4Zabel Claudia 6

So I had a few more tweet strings to go through – O’Grady, Tinkov, etc. But I think I’ve had enough of this for the week. Sometimes I find our beloved sport very depressing indeed. So let’s get right to …

The Gruppetto

You know when you keep thinking you hear something? Really faint and you can’t quite grasp what it is? Well. It’s the muffled sobs of thousands of Bernie Eisel fans. For he went and did it. He got married. Sigh.

G Bernie's wedding

Not only is Wiggins back, but the Sacred Haunches is riding the Tour de Pologne as well. Where’s fetish gear when you need it???

G Fabs TdP pic

You might not want to know this but I would gladly sit and watch this man sleep for 11 hours. (Oh, you really *didn’t* want to know that? Sorry. It’s out there now, can’t take it back.)

G Fabs sleeping

Kids, we did the #TdF proud – we were all part of the Million Tweet March through July!

G 1 million tweets

The last word

Seems apt, considering.

Screen Shot 2013-07-30 at 8.54.08 AM

2 thoughts on “Tweets of the Week: Wiggo’s extremes, Zabel’s ‘truth’ & Bernie’s vows

  1. Actually, Rasmussens confession is not as simple as you put it. Though saying that he stopped doping in 2010 when he came back (which kinda makes sense due to his crappy results since then) he has also admitted to having continued doping hard through his suspension, so that he could have come straight back and fought for a win in the Vuelta. If he really wanted the pure “I have learned from my mistakes”-confession, then why admit to such a thing? Not saying that Rasmussen is telling the utter truth, but his confession seems a lot more credible than Zabels, and suggesting otherwise to me seems wrong. What points to him still being doping from 2010 and onwards?

    • Obviously I painted that with broad strokes and of course doping is never going to be as simple as I portray it in this type of column. However what strikes me about Rasmussen was that he said that he stopped doping before he retired from cycling in 2013. After doping pretty much his entire career? Why would he suddenly give up? Doesn’t seem very much like human nature to me, which is why I question it. And I think the UCI rule about not being able to work behind the scenes of a pro cycling team if you’ve had a doping suspension after, I think 2011, is relevant in this case.

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