Tour Tweets: Ryder’s goggles, Vaughters’ panda, Porte’s instant karma

We’ve just had the first week of the Tour and – wow! – has it been the most exciting racing you’ve seen in a good long time? This is the biggest race in the world and the boys have responded by giving us a show. And of course Twitter really is the subtitling service for bike racing, don’t you think? Today, we discuss the weighty subjects of Ryder Hesjedal‘s goggles, Jonathan Vaughters‘ evoking of the animal spirits, That Boy Phinney‘s purdy pants and two epic days in the mountains.

Mama! He’s makin’ eyes at me!

Ryder Hesjedal made a sartorial statement – well, I say, statement, I think I mean he asked a sartorial question – that divided cycling fans. Are they cooler than cool things from Cool Town or are they just silly and wrong? I know which side of the argument I’m on (the silly side).

Ryder goggles original

Ryder goggles love

Ryder goggles depp Ryder goggles 3ryder goggles elvisThey even caused a sibling spat. “MOM, Panache is wearing those silly glasses again!”

Ryder goggles Panache 1 Ryder goggles Panache 2

ryder goggles eddie eagle


In the UK, we have two choices when it comes to commentating teams. Eurosport has Carlton Kirby, who is constantly laughing at his own jokes, and Sean Kelly, who actually says things that are funny. ITV4 has Phil and Paul, who seem to have lost the plot most of the time! Here are just a few of the gems that caught the ear of the twitterati.

G Announcers 1 Announcer 7 Announcer 5 announcer 6 G Announcers 2Announcer 3

The most shocking thing that we heard this week, however, was when Carlton Kirby welcomed Stephen Roche to the show and revealed his man-crush. (Put that away! This is a family show!)

announcers 7 Announcer 12 Anouncer 11

Announcers 4

I believe this is a rich seam that we will be mining for the next two weeks. Keep posting them on Twitter, kids. I’ll find them!


I love the Argonauts! Marcel Kittel strode around last week like an Argonaut god in yellow and then green. He’s back in his snowy white kit now but the ArgoCrush is still going strong! Oh, and get a load of Koen de Kort’s collarbone.

G Argonaut love G Albi Argonaut G Koens collarbone G Kittel warndown G Kittel asparagus

Phinney’s Flower Power

That Boy Phinney‘s got his eye on some new britches!

G Taylor flower trousers 3 G Taylor flower trousers start G Taylor flower trousers pic G Taylor flower trousers want

Stage 8 – The Empire strikes back

Today was the day that Chris Froome showed the world what he had. It was a lot. The other guys in the peloton … well, they were suffering but, for the most part, kept their sense of humour.

St8 Millar:Jens

St8 Henderson 1

If you recall, Nairo Quintana of Movistar made a solo attack – he got reeled in by the Skybots. Richie Porte made a remark about that which rubbed a lot of people up the wrong way. In fact, he said a couple of things that made him sound the wrong side of arrogant. This was noted – now hold that thought until we get to stage nine.

St8 Richie Porte read too many St8 Richie Superman pants

St8 Porte GeraintI wonder if he’d have been this well-mannered.

St8 Quintana can of cokeOf course, a lot of people were wondering what would have happened in last year’s Tour if FroomeDog had been let off the leash. Food for thought.

st8 Froome yellow

St8 Froome Cound St8 CavI wonder if a certain Sir is glad he isn’t racing in France this month.

St8 Wiggo

Stage 9: Skyfall

What a difference a day makes, eh? We haven’t seen a team disintegrate so quickly like that in, well, years and years. For anyone who thought the Tour was over as of stage eight, think again.

St9 ready ST9 start 2St9 Kittel St9 Greipel legsSt9 yatest9 1999 St9 bertie calculatingSt9 conspiracy theory 1 St9 conspiracy theory 2 st9 epicSt9 LopezRemember those Richie Porte remarks from stage eight? Here are the sequels. Quintana came across the line with the favourites, Richie came in 17 minutes back. What did John Lennon sing? ‘Instant karma’s gonna getcha.’ [I thought it was the rhythm that’s gonna get you – or is that Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine? – Ed.]

St9 Porte feels like a chump St9 Porte in a storm St9 Quantana jersey zipped

St9 Quintana jersey unzipped St9 Quintana

I think someone should give this man a G&T.

St9 Cav

The stage had a worthy winner in the form of Dan Martin. Jonathan Vaughters used Martin’s spirit animal to help him along the way (if you remember, he was chased in the last kilometre of LBL by a giant panda – Dan Martin, not Jonathan Vaughters). Whoever tweets for the WWF should get a prize for the best tweet ever!

St9 Vaughters prayed ST9 Vaughters panda WWF St9 Vaughters yahoo St9 Vaughters spiritual panda St9 Vaughters pressure St9Vaughters Panda bar

The Gruppetto

Andy Schleck‘s been doing rather well this Tour – well, better than anyone other than me thought he would be doing. I think it’s his new-found cooking skills that help relax him that is the key to his success.

G Andy bakingWhile Peter Sagan‘s key to success might be the blessing of his father before the stage. Is it me or does he have the expression of a little boy on his face? Just me? Really?

Sagan blessed

And this is the key to Daryl Impey‘s success.

G Impey saddleBut wait – it can’t just be me who thinks he’s a dead ringer for Robbie from EastEnders.


Anyone who says being an athlete is easy just needs to look at the next few tweets. I work in an office and I wouldn’t go to work with any of these injuries! Of course, what kind of office would I be working in that would cause me to sustain these kinds of injuries? [I would just like to point out for the record that the only injuries sustained at VeloVoices Towers come from popping champagne corks – Ed.]

G hard man prize G martin back

Mmmmm, saucy!

G Matteo Trentin G Millar mechanic 1 G Millar mechanic 2

How on earth can you eat in a way that damages the image of cycling? What was Chava doing to his food?

G Sylvain eating

It wouldn’t be the Tour without cows.

G vaches 1

Okay, I’m sorry. I know that this is disturbing. But I couldn’t do a tweets of the week without this one. Again, I’m sorry.

G Voeckler diaper G Voeckler diaper 2I loved this Jensie tweet. Shows the spirit of the race.

G Jens thanks for bidon

And I think Neal has said what we’ve all been thinking. Bring on week two!

G interesting 7

The other big story of last week was Ted King‘s elimination for coming seven seconds outside the time cut. Twitter exploded. I was going to put the whole gamut of tweets about that in this column and then I saw this one, just after the stage where Cannondale bossed the peloton and set up the win for Peter Sagan. And I thought that Ted’s tweet said it all. So he gets …

The last word

Last word Ted King

4 thoughts on “Tour Tweets: Ryder’s goggles, Vaughters’ panda, Porte’s instant karma

  1. akismet-deee43dbc5d42a89010f2b0ce8348345 says:

    Read this on a train between Brussels and Cologne, was laughing out loud and other passengers were staring at me. Fantastic blog!

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