Funny, cruel, odd, personal … you get it all on Twitter. Each week, we’ll have a rundown of some of our favourite tweets. Here are the tweets for the week ending 8th April 2012.

Why, why, why, Delilah?

Three things happened last week that set Twitter alight: Cancellara‘s collarbone, cobble chaos and Cavendish‘s child (notice how I made these all start with C?). Let’s start with the new baby, named Delilah. Cute, huh? Although the old-fashioned Instagram tint on this and Cav’s cowboy attire makes it look like something from the 50s. Not that that’s a bad thing:

No sooner has she made her appearance in the world and they were marrying her off!!! Geez, give the girl a chance to sow some wild oats … give her a chance to learn what oats are!

But I think Blazin’ Saddles said it best:

I think that might be the first Biblical joke we’ve had in Tweets thus far. Of course, you know what happened to Samson once he became entangled with Delilah … she cut his hair off – the source of his power – then he got caught by the Philistines and his eyes were gouged out … um, let’s hope Andre decides against Samson.

The hard life of a cyclist

We’ve all seen the pictures of Cancellara’s collarbone – broken and pinned back together – so I’ll spare you that. However, he was in good spirits, all things considered, and treated us to some real Fabianese gems throughout the week:

Panache had the perfect rejoinder:

But there were a lot of suffering cyclists out there this week – what with a super hard Vuelta al Pais Vasco, Paris-Roubaix, unpredictable weather, too much chocolate. Let’s start with Jules’ great description of Chris Anker Sorensen:

Poor GreenEDGE&Ham’s Christian Meier is tortured on the massage table … by Celine Dion:

Trek Jordan – the guy who got taken down with Fabian in E3 – has found the price of fame:

Garmin’s Ryder Hesjedal pays the price of a mechanical:

While Kristof Ramon catches some pain on camera:

An Argonaut has found his Kryptonite (okay, okay, mixing my superhero/mythological metaphors …):

Lotto’s Greg Henderson discovers the Sieberg Speculoos Secret™:

And Greg says it like it is:

Spartacus has an excuse … drinking beer and eating chips while watching bikes – any bikes – is the recipe for healing. I think we can all agree on that!

BMC’s Taylor Phinney finished 15th in Paris-Roubaix on Sunday so he really earned his frites:

But Jens Voigt puts it all in perspective … the food, the suffering, the shit days of #unluck:

I see a career in motivational speaking when he finally hangs up his wheels – which I hope will not be for another ten years or so …

And now to the cobbles

In case you can’t read it, here is what Dr Seuss says about Tom Boonen:

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed

You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead

Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest

And speaking of flying, Adam Hansen was just at Hogwarts the other day and he found this little number:

It’s a hard race that breaks hard men. As we can see from this tweet from Chris Brader:

Ted King would agree. This is his summation of his ride:

But at least he isn’t Filippo Pozzato in this picture:

On a lighter note, this is what Tom was thinking when he went away with over 50km to go:

And reactions from the Twitterati:

I will spend all week trying to figure out where one would find a stone for their vitrine. Or where their vitrine is in the whole scheme of things. Gotta love Fabianese. It’s so full of wonder …

And on that note …

FDJ-BigMat’s Frederic Guesdon rode his last Paris-Roubaix on Sunday. The victor in the 1997 edition of the Hell of the North, Guesdon is unclipping from the pedals this year for good. His 17th start this year ties him with George Hincapie for longevity in this bone-rattling race. Although he came in just outside the time limit, I really think he was one of the heroes of the day – he crashed, he punctured, he had to ride over big ugly cobbles all day long. He could have given up but he didn’t and that’s why I love cycling. It takes a lot of heart to be one of the greats. And this man has it.

So Chapeau, Frederic, thank you for making a great race even greater. May you have a long and prosperous retirement.